Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Wind

When a storm blew in around our cruise ship, an older woman on deck struggled to hang on to her hat and keep her skirt from flaring up at the same time. My wife ran over to help. “Should I hold your skirt down?” she asked.

“Forget about that,” the woman yelled.

“I’ve got an 85-year-old body. This hat is brand-new.”

By Mike Drea (www.rdasia.com)

Sabahan Troll & Meme: Sampaikan ucapan

00:55 Sabahan Troll Meme 1 comment

What do you think?: Science Student

00:49 what do you think No comments

Teacher & Copying

00:07 Facebook, Jokes, Twitter No comments

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you copying another student's homework.
Student: Yeah, I hope you didn't see that either.

Memory Problems

00:17 Jokes, Reader Digest No comments

An elderly couple with memory problems are advised by their doctor to write notes to help them remember things.

One evening, while watching TV, the wife asks her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. “Sure,” he says.

“Write it down,” she suggests. “No,” he says. “I can remember a simple thing like that.” “I also want strawberries and whipped cream,” she says. “Write it down.” “I don’t need to write it down,” he insists, heading to the kitchen. Twenty minutes later he returns, bearing a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs. “I told you to write it down!” his wife says. “I wanted fried eggs!”

By wendy levine (www.rdasia.com)

Perfect Guy

00:10 Jokes, Reader Digest No comments

A man walks into the street and hails a passing taxi.

“Perfect timing,” he tells the driver. “You’re just like Frank.”

“Who?” asks the cabbie. “Frank Fielding. He did everything right. Great tennis player, wonderful golfer, sang like Pavarotti.”

“Sounds like quite a guy.” “Not only that, he remembered everyone’s birthday, was a wine connoisseur, and could fix anything. And his wardrobe? Immaculate. He was the perfect man. No one could ever measure up to Frank.”

“Amazing. How’d you meet him?” “Oh, I never met Frank.”

“How do you know so much about him?” “I married his widow.”

By Stephanie Caplen (www.rdasia.com)

Apple iWater

00:45 Facebook, Jokes No comments

Just Following Directions

00:03 Jokes, Reader Digest No comments

My wife is a by-the-recipe baker. But that attention to detail still hasn’t made her chocolate chip cookies taste any better. One day, after the cookies had been in the oven a while, I smelled a familiar odor. "They’re burning," I shouted.

"I know," she said nonchalantly.

"Aren’t you going to take them out?"

"No. They still have six minutes."

By William McEwen (www.rdasia.com)

Saturday, 17 March 2012

23:53 Facebook, Jokes, Twitter No comments

Whenever you read things, there is a little voice reading them to you, but you will never know exactly what that voice sounds like.

Watch me Roar

23:51 Facebook, Jokes, Twitter No comments

Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I'm a dinosaur.

Wedding Gift Table

23:33 Jokes, Reader Digest No comments

I was presiding over a wedding when the best man asked if I wouldn’t mind also keeping an eye on the gift table. “There are a few people here the newlyweds don’t trust around all that money,” he confided.

“Then why on earth were they invited?” I asked.

Looking at me as if I were nuts, he said, “They’re family.”

By David Gilbert (www.rdasia.com)

Special Lane

23:28 Jokes, Reader Digest No comments

His new hybrid car was my friend’s pride and joy. He was always bragging about it and boring his buddies to death. As he was giving us a ride one day, he pontificated, “They should have a special lane for people who care about the environment.”

“They already do,” came a voice from the backseat.

“It’s called a sidewalk.”

By James Sewell (www.rdasia.com)

Lazy in School

23:38 Facebook, Jokes, Twitter No comments

6 things we often say in school :
1) I'm tired.
2) I don't get it.
3) I'm hungry
4) Do you have gum?
5) Is this for a mark?
6) I want to go home.

Starbucks

01:04 Facebook, Jokes, Reader Digest No comments

Scene: Starbucks.

Customer: Hey, you lost a lot of weight.

Barista: No, I gave birth two weeks ago.

Customer: To a baby?

(http://www.rd.com)

First Draft

23:48 Jokes, Reader Digest No comments

I didn’t enlist in the Army — I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, "Can you read the letters on the wall?"

"What letters?" I answered slyly.

"Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test."

By Robert Duprey (www.rdasia.com)