Just gonna stand there and watch me roar, but that's alright because I'm a dinosaur.
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A teacher says "OK, class. Today we're going to be talking about the tenses. If I say 'I'm beautiful,' what tense am ... -
It would solve a lot of the world's problems if we all just stopped reproducing for a day. -
Whenever you read things, there is a little voice reading them to you, but you will never know exactly what that voice sounds like.
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While looking at yourself in a mirror, you are looking at yourself looking at yourself in a mirror. ...
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Scene: Starbucks. Customer: Hey, you lost a lot of weight. Barista: No, I gave birth two weeks ago. Customer: To a baby? ( http... -
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you copying another student's homework. Student: Yeah, I hope you didn't see that either.
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When a storm blew in around our cruise ship, an older woman on deck struggled to hang on to her hat and keep her skirt from flaring ... -
I didn’t enlist in the Army — I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for anyone. During my physical, the doctor aske...
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My wife is a by-the-recipe baker. But that attention to detail still hasn’t made her chocolate chip cookies taste any better. ...
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