Saturday, 31 March 2012
Thursday, 29 March 2012
Teacher & Copying
Teacher: I hope I didn't see you copying another student's homework.
Student: Yeah, I hope you didn't see that either.
Tuesday, 27 March 2012
Memory Problems
An elderly couple with memory problems are advised by their doctor to write notes to help them remember things.
One evening, while watching TV, the wife asks her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. “Sure,” he says.
“Write
it down,” she suggests. “No,” he says. “I can remember a simple thing
like that.” “I also want strawberries and whipped cream,” she says.
“Write it down.” “I don’t need to write it down,” he insists, heading to
the kitchen. Twenty minutes later he returns, bearing a plate of bacon
and scrambled eggs. “I told you to write it down!” his wife says. “I
wanted fried eggs!”
By wendy levine (www.rdasia.com)
Friday, 23 March 2012
Perfect Guy
A man walks into the street and hails a passing taxi.
“Perfect timing,” he tells the driver. “You’re just like Frank.”
“Who?” asks the cabbie. “Frank Fielding. He did everything right. Great tennis player, wonderful golfer, sang like Pavarotti.”
“Sounds
like quite a guy.” “Not only that, he remembered everyone’s birthday,
was a wine connoisseur, and could fix anything. And his wardrobe?
Immaculate. He was the perfect man. No one could ever measure up to
Frank.”
“Amazing. How’d you meet him?” “Oh, I never met Frank.”
“How do you know so much about him?” “I married his widow.”
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Monday, 19 March 2012
Just Following Directions
My wife is a
by-the-recipe baker. But that attention to detail still hasn’t made her
chocolate chip cookies taste any better. One day, after the cookies had
been in the oven a while, I smelled a familiar odor. "They’re burning," I
shouted.
"I know," she said nonchalantly.
"Aren’t you going to take them out?"
"No. They still have six minutes."
"I know," she said nonchalantly.
"Aren’t you going to take them out?"
"No. They still have six minutes."
Saturday, 17 March 2012
Thursday, 15 March 2012
Sunday, 11 March 2012
Wedding Gift Table
I was presiding over a wedding when the best man asked if I
wouldn’t mind also keeping an eye on the gift table. “There are a few
people here the newlyweds don’t trust around all that money,” he
confided.
“Then why on earth were they invited?” I asked.
Looking at me as if I were nuts, he said, “They’re family.”
Friday, 9 March 2012
Special Lane
His new hybrid car
was my friend’s pride and joy. He was always bragging about it and
boring his buddies to death. As he was giving us a ride one day, he
pontificated, “They should have a special lane for people who care about
the environment.”
“They already do,” came a voice from the backseat.
“It’s called a sidewalk.”
Wednesday, 7 March 2012
Lazy in School
6 things we often say in school :
1) I'm tired.
2) I don't get it.
3) I'm hungry
4) Do you have gum?
5) Is this for a mark?
6) I want to go home.
Monday, 5 March 2012
Saturday, 3 March 2012
First Draft
I didn’t enlist in
the Army — I was drafted. So I wasn’t going to make life easy for
anyone. During my physical, the doctor asked softly, "Can you read the
letters on the wall?"
"What letters?" I answered slyly.
"Good," said the doctor. "You passed the hearing test."
